Manage the risks of online dating

online-dating

 

The world has become one massive digital universe and dating has not been left out of the spectrum.

In fact, online dating is a mega million-dollar industry across the globe. Like everything online, there are the good and the bad.

And that’s why you need to be careful.

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Top 5 reasons women stay in abusive relationships

woman eye handHard to say you’re sorry? Not so for the abuser.

Sorry rolls off the tongue as easily as “pass the tomato sauce”, and this glib response time and time again, should be seen as a red flag to continuing the relationship.

Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

This is a question that is most often asked by women who have never been in any type of abusive relationship before.

The answer isn’t as simple as one would think and depends on the individual.

These are some of the most common reasons why women stay in abusive relationships with the men they love.

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Top 10 online dating tips

knight
Knight in dazzling armour

 

 

Online dating allows individuals to develop a social, romantic or sexual relationship by sharing information on a digital platform. Any link to the Internet will be able to facilitate your signing on to a dating service. Once you’re logged in there are a few things to watch out for.

 

Here are 10 tips to help in you rise above the challenges of online dating:

 

  1. Create an introduction of yourself aiming to appeal to the opposite sex. Be careful to state only what is essential and do not reveal too much at this stage. You don’t want over exposure.
  2. Avoid using too many adjectives in your profile. Keep descriptions basic and simple. Remember you are as much a stranger to others as they are to you.

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Honest dating: it’s a numbers game

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How much do you weigh?

A smart fellow once told me: “Jewish girls always ask, ‘How much do you earn?’ I ask them, how much do you weigh?.” I smiled at the inappropriateness of both these questions.

These numbers are not important and certainly do not need to be announced upfront?

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That awful awkward silence

awkward-silence

You’ve finally summoned up the courage to go on that date you agreed to two weeks ago. Minutes before he arrives at the door, your heart drops to your stomach as you think ‘What will we talk about?’.

If the first few minutes do not overflow with conversation, you could be in a bit of trouble.

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Watch out for the first date faux pas

You’re on your first date, a little nervous, trying to loosen up, so you have a martini –or two or three – before dinner. Then some wine with dinner. Suddenly you find yourself talking about your ex-boyfriend and don’t hold back on the disparaging comments.  And then another ex-boyfriend (no expletive spared here either)

A debauched dating history is not the best way to engage the man of the moment and it is more than likely the last thing he wants to hear, now if ever.girl-watches-phone

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What makes a mensch?

I was wondering, is a mensch of today the same as a mensch of 20 or so years ago? I found this great interview in Time magazine and thought it a perfect companion to my book launch.

In 2006, Wendy Cole interviewed somewhat of a mensch expert for Time Magazine. Here it is for you.

Q & A: Finding a Mensch Mate

By WENDY COLE Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2006

Not long ago, a mensch was the kind of guy your mother wanted you to marry. A devoted and kind Jewish son, no doubt, but someone with as much zing as a glass of warm, flat, seltzer.

But what a difference a few pop cultural references make. Menschiness has suddenly become cool. Desperate husband Carlos on Desperate Housewives described his parole officer as one, while the term came up in an episode of the generally un-menschy ‘Jake in Progress.’ John Lithgow was just singing about them on Broadway in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

And a guest on Oprah even described her as ‘Mensch of the Year’ last month for admitting her mistake in initially defending fact-challenged best-selling author James Frey. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, TIME Correspondent Wendy Cole spoke to Mensch expert Robin Gorman Newman about her new book How to Marry a Mensch.

TIME: What’s the story with so many mensch mentions these days?

NEWMAN: It’s become hip. The definition has changed. When I wrote my first book on mensches in 1994, a lot of people didn’t even know what it meant, and if they did, they thought it meant someone was a nerd or a bore. As a dating consultant, I met women who would specifically say they didn’t want to meet a mensch.

TIME: How do you know so much about mensches?

NEWMAN: I like to think I am one, and my husband is even more of one than I am. He’s very loyal, dependable, and big-hearted. He does things for people and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He’s a CPA, and he actually enjoys it, which is a menschy thing right there. A real mensch doesn’t need to get a lot of pats on the back.

TIME: Are mensches better for dating or as marriage material?

NEWMAN: Both. But it takes takes a while to know if you have a real mensch. A mensch will stand the test of time. You can’t know it right away. A lot of them are mensches in wolfs’ clothing. Brad Pitt probably thought he was one. But he sure fooled us, and especially Jennifer. Bill Clinton is another mensch in wolf’s clothing. You can’t be a mensch on demand, it’s got to be a consistent part of your character.

TIME: Can you become a mensch if it doesn’t come naturally?

NEWMAN: You can work at it. It does have a lot to do with how you were raised. It helps if you have mensch role models. One thing that gets overlooked sometimes is that you have  to be a mensch to yourself before you can become one to others. If you’re not good to yourself , that’s a turnoff. An uber-mensch might have the inclination to save the world, but if you’re tired or stressed you can’t spend your time doing favours for others. You have to strike a balance.

TIME: Where do you meet mensches?

NEWMAN: Doing volunteer work is good. It attracts those with a big heart. But you have to trust your gut. They don’t play games with you. I’m a fan of Internet dating, but you have to be more astute to find a mensch that way. It’s tricky to find a mensch online.

TIME: Once a mensch, always a mensch?

NEWMAN: Always. Your character doesn’t change. If it’s in your heart and soul, it doesn’t go away. There can be times when you’re busy and can’t be there for everyone all the time. That’s when it’s most challenging to be a mensch. Your menschiness might have to take a back seat for a while, but that’s okay.

TIME: You have a two-year-old son. how are you helping him to be a mensch?

NEWMAN: We’re very conscious of his manners. We remind him to say please and thank you. He’s already good at saying he’s sorry. But he needs more practice socializing with other children. He’s still a little territorial.

TIME: Any downsides to being a mensch?

NEWMAN: You can get dragged though the mud and taken advantage of. You could burn out. It is hard work to be a true mensch. That’s why I’m a little concerned that the word is being tossed around so casually these days. We have to preserve the integrity of the word.

TIME: How would a classic mensch celebrate Valentine’s Day?

NEWMAN: Every day is Valentine’s Day for a mensch. You don’t need a holiday to show your affection. Whatever you do on Valentine’s Day is just the icing on the cake.

 

Top three Jewish dating websites

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Dating is not immune to the Internet -of -Things. In fact, the opposite is true. Online dating is increasingly popular as a platform for meeting your significant other, if not the platform of choice, particularly for those who consider themselves internet savvy.

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