Manage the risks of online dating

online-dating

 

The world has become one massive digital universe and dating has not been left out of the spectrum.

In fact, online dating is a mega million-dollar industry across the globe. Like everything online, there are the good and the bad.

And that’s why you need to be careful.

Continue reading Manage the risks of online dating

Top 5 reasons women stay in abusive relationships

woman eye handHard to say you’re sorry? Not so for the abuser.

Sorry rolls off the tongue as easily as “pass the tomato sauce”, and this glib response time and time again, should be seen as a red flag to continuing the relationship.

Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

This is a question that is most often asked by women who have never been in any type of abusive relationship before.

The answer isn’t as simple as one would think and depends on the individual.

These are some of the most common reasons why women stay in abusive relationships with the men they love.

Continue reading Top 5 reasons women stay in abusive relationships

Top 10 online dating tips

knight
Knight in dazzling armour

 

 

Online dating allows individuals to develop a social, romantic or sexual relationship by sharing information on a digital platform. Any link to the Internet will be able to facilitate your signing on to a dating service. Once you’re logged in there are a few things to watch out for.

 

Here are 10 tips to help in you rise above the challenges of online dating:

 

  1. Create an introduction of yourself aiming to appeal to the opposite sex. Be careful to state only what is essential and do not reveal too much at this stage. You don’t want over exposure.
  2. Avoid using too many adjectives in your profile. Keep descriptions basic and simple. Remember you are as much a stranger to others as they are to you.

Continue reading Top 10 online dating tips

Honest dating: it’s a numbers game

manscale_masterfile2011
How much do you weigh?

A smart fellow once told me: “Jewish girls always ask, ‘How much do you earn?’ I ask them, how much do you weigh?.” I smiled at the inappropriateness of both these questions.

These numbers are not important and certainly do not need to be announced upfront?

Continue reading Honest dating: it’s a numbers game

What makes a mensch?

I was wondering, is a mensch of today the same as a mensch of 20 or so years ago? I found this great interview in Time magazine and thought it a perfect companion to my book launch.

In 2006, Wendy Cole interviewed somewhat of a mensch expert for Time Magazine. Here it is for you.

Q & A: Finding a Mensch Mate

By WENDY COLE Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2006

Not long ago, a mensch was the kind of guy your mother wanted you to marry. A devoted and kind Jewish son, no doubt, but someone with as much zing as a glass of warm, flat, seltzer.

But what a difference a few pop cultural references make. Menschiness has suddenly become cool. Desperate husband Carlos on Desperate Housewives described his parole officer as one, while the term came up in an episode of the generally un-menschy ‘Jake in Progress.’ John Lithgow was just singing about them on Broadway in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

And a guest on Oprah even described her as ‘Mensch of the Year’ last month for admitting her mistake in initially defending fact-challenged best-selling author James Frey. Just in time for Valentine’s Day, TIME Correspondent Wendy Cole spoke to Mensch expert Robin Gorman Newman about her new book How to Marry a Mensch.

TIME: What’s the story with so many mensch mentions these days?

NEWMAN: It’s become hip. The definition has changed. When I wrote my first book on mensches in 1994, a lot of people didn’t even know what it meant, and if they did, they thought it meant someone was a nerd or a bore. As a dating consultant, I met women who would specifically say they didn’t want to meet a mensch.

TIME: How do you know so much about mensches?

NEWMAN: I like to think I am one, and my husband is even more of one than I am. He’s very loyal, dependable, and big-hearted. He does things for people and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He’s a CPA, and he actually enjoys it, which is a menschy thing right there. A real mensch doesn’t need to get a lot of pats on the back.

TIME: Are mensches better for dating or as marriage material?

NEWMAN: Both. But it takes takes a while to know if you have a real mensch. A mensch will stand the test of time. You can’t know it right away. A lot of them are mensches in wolfs’ clothing. Brad Pitt probably thought he was one. But he sure fooled us, and especially Jennifer. Bill Clinton is another mensch in wolf’s clothing. You can’t be a mensch on demand, it’s got to be a consistent part of your character.

TIME: Can you become a mensch if it doesn’t come naturally?

NEWMAN: You can work at it. It does have a lot to do with how you were raised. It helps if you have mensch role models. One thing that gets overlooked sometimes is that you have  to be a mensch to yourself before you can become one to others. If you’re not good to yourself , that’s a turnoff. An uber-mensch might have the inclination to save the world, but if you’re tired or stressed you can’t spend your time doing favours for others. You have to strike a balance.

TIME: Where do you meet mensches?

NEWMAN: Doing volunteer work is good. It attracts those with a big heart. But you have to trust your gut. They don’t play games with you. I’m a fan of Internet dating, but you have to be more astute to find a mensch that way. It’s tricky to find a mensch online.

TIME: Once a mensch, always a mensch?

NEWMAN: Always. Your character doesn’t change. If it’s in your heart and soul, it doesn’t go away. There can be times when you’re busy and can’t be there for everyone all the time. That’s when it’s most challenging to be a mensch. Your menschiness might have to take a back seat for a while, but that’s okay.

TIME: You have a two-year-old son. how are you helping him to be a mensch?

NEWMAN: We’re very conscious of his manners. We remind him to say please and thank you. He’s already good at saying he’s sorry. But he needs more practice socializing with other children. He’s still a little territorial.

TIME: Any downsides to being a mensch?

NEWMAN: You can get dragged though the mud and taken advantage of. You could burn out. It is hard work to be a true mensch. That’s why I’m a little concerned that the word is being tossed around so casually these days. We have to preserve the integrity of the word.

TIME: How would a classic mensch celebrate Valentine’s Day?

NEWMAN: Every day is Valentine’s Day for a mensch. You don’t need a holiday to show your affection. Whatever you do on Valentine’s Day is just the icing on the cake.

 

Top three Jewish dating websites

shocked-man-at-computer

Dating is not immune to the Internet -of -Things. In fact, the opposite is true. Online dating is increasingly popular as a platform for meeting your significant other, if not the platform of choice, particularly for those who consider themselves internet savvy.

Continue reading Top three Jewish dating websites

Why date a Jew?

In my adult life, I have had a diverse dating platform, suffice to say some relationships were extremely complex. More so when my partner at the time was not Jewish, very far from.

So why date a Jew?

What makes Jewish dating different from any other kind of dating? Jewish singles by nature tend to seek out other Jewish singles even if they aren’t particularly religious.

There’s something about being Jewish, either genetically or as a society,  that keeps Jews together as a group. Not completely, of course, as there are many Jewish people who have married outside the religion.

But there still remains today, even in our enlightened, high tech society, an invisible force field surrounding the Jewish people and pressuring them to stay together. How it all began is a mystery but it does, in fact, exist.

As a result of this religious cloistering, there are more Jewish dating services around than any other religion can lay claim to.

symbols-of-judaism

Most dating services don’t differentiate their clients by religion and this broader group of matchmakers is by far still the largest in the United States.

But when it comes down to different groups of people who are only interested in meeting people of the same religion, Jewish dating is the largest.

In purely quantitative terms, the Jewish population of the world is almost negligible. There are billions of Muslims, about a billion and a half Catholics and only approximately 20 million Jews on the planet.

And yet Jews remain the most influential group of people in the history of the world. Why that is and how that happened is a question for scholars and historians, but how Jewish dating has become so dominating is something that should be understood by anybody seeking to enter the dating world.

 

Adjusted with permission from: http://plrplr.com/12156/an-introduction-to-jewish-dating/

Big 5: Two weeks of love, lust and loss

I met Brolin through a set-up scenario: ‘Can I give so-and-so your number?’

By no means an oil painting, he had a strong extrovert personality that made up for that. A true salesman, mark my words.

Things got off to a roaring start, middle and end.

 

By date number three, in as many days, we were already serious. Naturally he had sold me the dream. A life of instant wealth and luxury, meaning that I would no longer have to work to support myself?

Who wouldn’t buy that?

I was sold (down the river) .

rhino

When he said, ‘Let’s go away for the weekend to Sun City,’ an upmarket resort outside of Johannesburg) I did not hesitate. When he explained that we would be joined by his  slowly-but-surely-coming-to-terms-with-it gay son, I was less certain.

Here’s where Mr Sell-You-Ice-In-Winter closed the gap. ‘It’s a big unit, we won’t even see him.’ Not much.

What we also didn’t see at the nearby Pilanesberg Game Reserve billed to be home to  Africa’s Big 5 most sought-after wild animals, were lions, rhino, leopards , buffalo and elephant.

What we did see was zebra, giraffe a singular warthog and buck, in abundance.

Nursing my disappointment over a gameless weekend, and a thorough opportunity to observe Brolin from close range, I reflected to my new-found treasure, ‘Don’t worry honey, you’ve got a big heart (softy) a big mouth (persuasive) a big attitude (arrogant) a big ego (self-important) and a  big Dick. I’ve seen the Big 5.’

He must have seen me in close range and decided me unfit for the dream because I got the little 5  (a handful of words that tell it all):’It’s not you, its me,’ delivered by SMS 24 hours later!

The worst date ever

During my many, many dating years there were some bad experiences some weird dates and some outright shockers. Thus the choice of ‘worst date ever’ is not an easy one to make.

If I have to pick one it’s this.

You know the date is beyond any measure of redemption when he arrives at your door and your heart drops to your knees in three seconds flat.

And the overwhelming temptation is to say, ‘Who are you meeting?’ and when he says your name, answering, ‘No she’s not here’

This was my instinctive thought as the overly nourished comb-over stood expectantly in my doorway.

With supreme effort, I picked my heart up from the flow, the prevalence of polite socialisation and good breeding forcing me to pursue the date, much to my regret.

For a few seconds the shiny blue Beemer parked in the street was a redemptive feature of the evening. Arriving at the restaurant (I picked a good place hoping the food would save me) the parking was quite full minimising our chances of getting a table. So he did the gentlemanly thing, hefting himself upstairs to secure a table, leaving me in the Beemer, keys and all.

beemer

 

I saw this as my chance of self-preservation – with a double purpose. Not only would I escape an insufferable evening, I would instantly acquire a new BMW for my driving pleasure. While I was deep in fantasy, I calculated how far I could travel before he wobbled back to the car, he returned to tell me there was a vacant table.

Shortly after we ordered, I heard about his recently installed lap band and his restricted eating requirements. Nevertheless this failed to hamper his appetite still ably equipped to devour his way through three courses, while mine was lost in a swirl of disgust.

Because of his condition, or using it as a convenient excuse, he farted throughout the meal, while I did some very deep soul searching asking myself and universal Wisdom what I had done to deserve this?