I had a boyfriend who used to say, “It’s not how good looking you are, but how good-looking you think you are.” Perhaps he’d heard the mantra “fake it till you make it”, that helped shape his thinking.
Said another way, confidence can hide a multitude of sins. With Clive’s bold, arrogant pronouncement I never saw him as less than good looking because his self-belief was so strong, it had incredible impact.
I’m not saying fake it and pump yourself up to unrealistic aspirations of grandeur. But take off the mask and remind yourself of what you have to offer.
If you feel fat frumpy and forlorn you don’t need to be dating in that state of mind. And I’m not saying take some happy pills. But you need to do some introspection.
If you’ve got a few kilos to lose and right now feel slightly uncomfortable in your body, don’t think, “I’ll date when I’ve lost five kilos, when my hair is longer, when my highlights grow out, when my acne clears up.”
If you set all these provisos for yourself, you may never date. And that’s no way to enjoy a single, relationship building life.
Take a good look in the mirror, or better still, don’t go near a mirror and do an inventory of all your human qualities that you value about yourself.
You are probably extremely witty, compassionate, generous and loving. Let these qualities shine and remind yourself daily that these make up the true you. The weight, the hair, the pimples – these are just externalities and have nothing to do with the quality individual that you are.
That’s why no matter what physical shape you’re in, you’re okay to date as long as you’ve done that internal screening, and can clearly appreciate the real you.
Remember he’s probably going to feel insecure about his weight, hair or skin and knowing that you can worry less about your own.