A piece of the action: Everybody wants in on the wedding

Between my hubby-to-be and I there has not been a wedding in our respective families for a very long time. So now that there is one, everybody wants a piece of the action. This includes family of the inner circle and friends, many of whom have offered themselves as wedding planners, swearing that they are the best at what they do, with some even attaching a fee of no less than R4000 ($280) for the job, if you don’t mind.

 I am possibly the worst person to be targeted for these offerings as I am pretty much a do-it-yourself personality. Naturally, I accept that there are things I can’t do but for the most part I can manage. But on the day, I’ll be all bride, back in my bubble and of no functional value to anyone.

 My fiancé’s 13-year-old niece has her heart set on being a flower girl, although to my mind, she exceeds the age appropriate role by a good few years. Sadly for her no such role exists in our wedding as my retinue comprises my mother and my two sisters. Done.

What’s your colour? Wedding retinue simpliefied

 I came up with what I thought was a suitable plan B for her. My idea was that she fill the shoes of emcee as there will be some speeches and, at the very least, a toast to the bride and groom and a few blessings.

 emcee

But my man was quick to inform me that this role had already been handed to one of his most loyal friends. At first I accepted this as the natural order of things, but then it dawned on me that the true calibre of would-be emcee Rob, would rear its less than decorous head, and subject our wedding to generous lashings of lavatorial humour. I think not!

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